Kids and their emotional intelligence

by The Flamingo

Emotional intelligence a.k.a. EQ is a subject that has been on my mind for quite some time. Being a mother as well as a teacher, one of my first priorities in developing the minds of young children is enhancing their emotional intelligence. I wrote an article some time ago about the importance of EQ which, in my opinion, perhaps exceeds that of the other three types of intelligence: intellectual, creative and kinetic. (For more see Intelligence matters).

The EQ helps us understand the world around us, the people we interact with, the actions directed at us and the motivation behind them. But most importantly, EQ facilitates the way we understand and deal with our inner self. So the more emotional intelligence we have, the better our relationships with others and with ourselves are. We are more balanced, empathetic and happier overall. 

The emotional intelligence doesn’t develop overnight, or on its own. Of course there are people that are more inclined towards developing it. Genetically, they are more sensitive and intuitive and do not require lots of guidance in this aspect. But there are others that do need help in developing this type of intelligence. So it’s better to start young, when the children are more susceptible to everything around them. As the babies grow into toddlers and they begin to interact with other kids and adults other than their parents, the EQ develops and needs constant care. 

There are some simple things I did and still do to enhance my son’s and pupils’ empathy, without over sensitizing them. Here are some of my guidelines towards developing and nursing the EQ of children, which I used with my son especially.

• There is no such thing as “too young”. Babies are very empathetic and they absorb every feeling we give them exactly like a sponge. So I wasn’t shy in expressing myself around my son: laugh as much as I can, cuddle and hold him, he returns everything back to me in his own way, depending on his age. So my advice is: be expressive, in a positive way.

• I show concern for other children when I am outside in the park with my kid. I draw his  attention when another child is crying and help him understand what the problem is. Also I ask him questions about how we can help that crying child together. I am careful not to insist too much on the subject of “upset children”. It works the other way around too, with happy children. “Why do you think that girl is laughing so much? Do you think that swing is really fun to try out?”. I point both examples out to my kids, find a balance…empathy towards the happy and the unhappy. In school this is a very efficient method.

• I teach my kids to share, to be kind and gentle. Sharing is the key towards opening the door to empathy. Help them understand that other children’s needs are equally important to theirs, that they are not the center of the universe. Giving their own stuff, that they care about, to another, without expecting something in return, will later help them be the better person in all kinds of situations. Conclusion: share toys and food early on, but willingly. Forcing them defeats the purpose. Also when they grow, share books, it’s a wonderful way to start conversations between kids, find common ground, ties that can bind them to each other.   

• I educate them to love and tend to animals. Back home I always carried with me some food and fed the starving cats and dogs I found in my path. Now I just go with my kid to a place where we can do this regularly (for example at the pond feeding ducks and swans, or pigeons on our balcony). It’s important for the child to care about the state of life, meaning human, animal or plant. They can be better persons and take better care of the environment.

• I also bought  some activity books on the EQ theme and took time to complete them with my kid. There are so many life situations in those books and they are really helpful in making them understand feelings and actions. 

• Reading to children daily, whether to my own son or my kids at school. Reading involves taking them in my arms and experiencing the book together. It’s important to explain to the kids what is happening and why are things the way they are in the book. I also take some time to ask questions to engage them, make sure they understand.

• Hug my child at least once a day. Showing love will teach them to manifest affection in return. 

• When my son was in his “terrible twos” and tried to hurt me during tantrums, I  exaggerated a little the amount of pain he caused, physically and spiritually. My son was a little shocked and understood that it’s not ok to cause pain and suffering. He felt bad and grew quickly out of the nasty habit. I also don’t tolerate bullying for any reason. Girls as well as boys tend to be cruel when they are young and try to belittle one another, girls using words and boys using violence. 

Children with high emotional intelligence grow into compassionate adults, they fight against bullying, ignorance, indifference and help all together make the world a better place. So if we want to make the world a better place, let’s begin with our children and teach them that being selfish or self absorbed is followed by disaster. 

Photo from Flamingo‘s archive.