In memoriam Michael Jackson

by The Flamingo

It has been 10 years since his death. Hardly a day goes by without me thinking of him. I remember the day he passed like it was yesterday. My husband was totally bewildered by my grief, didn’t understand till that moment what Michael Jackson meant to me.

Today, in his memory, I decided to publish a “love letter” to one of the most controversial characters in show business. Remember, this is just the subjective opinion of a very loyal fan, I don’t want to bring any offense to any of my readers. So if you are uncomfortable with the subject “Michael Jackson”, then this isn’t the article for you.

I was 4 when my father first introduced me to his music through the album “Thriller” on vinyl. I loved his music instantly and played the vinyl by myself over and over again for the next few years.

I watched him on TV next, when we got cable and music channels. I remember the first time I saw him dance (the “Bad” video), I was so mesmerized by his moves, by his leather suit, by his bound knuckles, by his eyes lined with black. It definitely made an impression on a 6 year old girl. I also learned the whole choreography from “Thriller” soon after and I performed it to whomever was around with no discrimination: people, cats or dolls.

Then his famous Bucharest concert happened, during his “Dangerous” tour in ‘92. My parents didn’t want to take me, saying I was too young, that I wouldn’t be able to see him, that it was too crowded, etc. I remember it clear as day; I was pleading “I just want to hear his voice, I don’t need to see him, I want to hear him sing”. When I hit a brick wall with my parents, I threw my first and only tantrum in my whole life: laying on the floor, throwing my fists around and crying like never before. My parents weren’t impressed…so no concert for me. But they did buy me a poster with him in his “Billie Jean” costume performing on stage. Also, to their credit, for St. Nicholas I received my very first tape of “Dangerous”. But I didn’t forgive them…not till this day.

This little story above is just a segment of my “relationship” to him and his music, but I think this is the most relevant of all. After all, we are most susceptible in our young age.

It’s so hard to describe what his music brings to me, how I feel it around me whenever it plays, like a living thing breathing its wonder and joy. His voice is so soothing for me and lulls all my worries away. Whenever I dance it’s like the whole world becomes entrancing and spins together with me, my body swaying to the pull of his sound, his beats tugging at the cords of my heart. I find all his songs beautiful, but of course I have some I treasure more, like “Give in to me” with Slash on guitar, or “She’s out of my life”, or “Smooth Criminal”. I bet you find me very cheesy, but I warned you…it was a love letter after all, a letter for all the 30 years I worshiped his music.

Now, ten years after his death, I needed to put into words what I still feel, regardless of how much time has passed. For me, the music represents the man and vice versa. I cannot separate the two of them, so I suffer a lot when I hear the allegations against him, even after all this time. I refused to see the now famous documentary “Neverland”, not because I don’t believe it, not necessarily, but because he is not among us anymore to defend himself. I really do believe that because of his rough childhood or lack thereof, he had a child’s brain in a man’s body. But, as I said before, I am not the most objective person. I have the habit to be loyal to a fault, to see the good in the people I hold dear, tending to overlook the beast that’s lurking just beneath the surface (if there is such a beast in the first place).

Michael Jackson brought a lot of light to my life and continues to do so even in his death. He was my first taste in music, my first dancing steps, the first man I had a crush on (still do by the way…I watch the Dangerous concert and still have the same feelings I had at 7, goosebumps and all). So, dear Michael Jackson, wherever you are, know that you still make me happy after 30 years and our relationship is as strong as ever.

Photo from Flamingo‘s archive