Donald and his small hands

by The Flamingo

I wish I were writing this article based on my favorite Disney character, but alas this isn’t about the notorious duck. Another Donald came into my life and doesn’t want to leave it. I’m referring to the man calling himself “The Donald”, that continually bombards my Facebook feed, the news and all the American shows I watch. SAD. I am not here to criticize the president of such a great nation. The people chose him for some reason or other, and again SADLY, the rest of the world has to live with him now, assaulting every day of our lives for the next years. So everybody has a way of coping with this fact and I found out that for me, humor was the best way to handle it.

“The Donald” is such a ridiculed character, from his abominable speech to his crazy tweets, from his ugly satin ties to his bizarre coiffure and his small hands. His hands caught my attention, because everything they ridicule him about could change (although there is a chance of that when hell freezes over), but for his hands. He can’t help his physical traits.

As an owner of very small hands myself, The Flamingo took pity for the first time on Donald. Although I like my 10 year old girl hands, I must admit they are such a burden in so many cases. So I must relate to Donald’s suffering and take it upon myself to share with the rest of you how difficult life is for people such as us:

• We can’t own a normal smartphone. We always have to buy the small model of the brands, because we can’t hold it with one hand alone and we drop it every other minute.
• Everything seems bigger while holding a bottle of beer with both hands; I wonder what else might seem increased to a guy (coffee cups, pencils, bananas, balls…etc).
• We can’t play basketball correctly, that’s why I admire Donald for his cleverness in picking the sport with the smallest balls, golf. I should try it also, if I don’t die of boredom first.
• We can hold the smallest pistol, which is why I am confused about his gun control policies, being not able to “play” with any of the “fun” big boy rifles. In his place I would make all guns disappear, so I would not embarrass myself.
• Even a full glass of wine is difficult to hold in balance and often ends up on our lap.
• In private, we prefer to use the teaspoon or the appetizer fork to eat our food with.
• We can’t even shake hands properly, without our hand being swallowed up. So that’s the reason our clever Donald mastered such a “unique” style of shaking hands, to bamboozle the partner into not noticing.  
• We can’t even open one normal sized jar, luckily other people do that for him.
• It’s tricky finding gloves to fit, I suspect he buys them from the women section.

I hope you get the picture, dear reader, and hope you will also pity poor Donald on his struggles brought on by this burden. I don’t even want to know how small hands affect men in other parts of their private life. It’s SAD, really.  So maybe if you don’t ridicule him on this very sensitive aspect, maybe he wouldn’t be such a frustrated man and he would be able to manage his affairs better…or NOT! It’s worth a try, don’t you think so? We are after all, desperate!

Later edit: This article was written when the president’s hands were still one of the main topics discussed, in his first year of presidency. Good times! I wish the hands remained the biggest issue.

Photo by John Cameron on Unsplash